"For better or for worse..." It was those words that echoed through my mind as it surged with fear, and as all of my hopes and dreams came crashing to the floor.
It was a Tuesday in November, and we had been planning to see a professional basketball game on that Thursday. I chatted with my co-workers about how excited we were to take another couple along with us. We had only been married for four months, and everything felt so new and exciting. It wasn't long until my thoughts of the game disappeared as I was informed that there were some serious allegations against my husband.
He had left that morning before I did for work. He always woke me up to say goodbye by giving me butterfly kisses, and telling me he loved me. He mentioned again that he needed to go get his haircut. He kept meaning to go, and really wanted to get that done before we went out of town for the game. I had pulled out my crock pot that morning before work, and used it for the first time to make a roast. I was excited about coming home to a meal that was already prepared for once. Well needless to say my husband and I never touched the roast. (To this day I have never used my crock pot again.)
We sat in the darkness of our bedroom. As he begged me to forgive him for the mistakes he had made, he sobbed, laid his head in my lap as if he were a small child. It was then, in the chilling silence with that broken man that I made the declaration "I promised to love you for better or for worse." He told me that the person who confronted him about the allegations was waiting to accompany him to the police station to turn himself in. I thought for a moment, and then asked him if that meant he would probably go to jail. He said "I think so, don't you?" It was then that I lost all composure. How could I bear the one that I love being drug off to jail. He held me, and tried to console me, and then started to prepare. He showered and changed. He emptied his pockets, took off his watch and handed me his wallet and cell phone. The only thing he kept was his wedding band.
As we waited in a room at the police station for an officer to show up, he whispered with tears in his eyes "I will go through whatever God wants me to go through, in order to be a better man for you." The officer arrived and I was sent out in the lobby as they questioned my husband behind closed doors. I sat in agony... waiting, and hoping that my husband would be coming home with me that night. As the night wore on it became clear that he would have to remain at the station and I would be sent off alone, with no idea of what would happen. I got a call from my parents, who wanted to know how I was feeling and if I planned to walk away from him. I said, "When I married him, I promised to love him for better or for worse. I am going to stand with him through this." To that they responded, "Then we will stand with you too."
After questioning him, the officers allowed him to kiss me, and hug me before he was led away. I drove home to the dark apartment gathered a few things. I had called a friend and said "I know this sounds crazy, but I need a place to stay tonight, can I come over." Of course she said yes. Numb and weary I headed to my friend's house. I felt instantly sick as a police drove right next to me. The police car... which I later learned, held my husband.
Psalm 56:3 NKJV
Psalm 56:3 NKJV
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.